No doubt about it, most of us have a “Love / Hate” relationship with email!
Even when we trend more toward the “hate it” side of the scale, we know that our lives would be much more difficult without it! Email serves us in ohhh sooo many ways!
We use email every single day to:
Communicate important messages
Schedule meetings & events
Share documentation
Set expectations
Ask for help
Create an audit trail
And the list goes on…
The fact that email is so darn easy to use is one of the reasons it is so dangerous.
How many times have you found yourself in one of these situations?
An email crosses your desk that sounds a bit too demanding and curt. So, you fire back with a curt response of your own to put the sender in their place.
You’re copied on (or involved in) an email debate that goes on for several days. As the email chain grows… each new response includes additional leaders and subject matter experts. Side email streams are created. Nothing gets resolved, and everyone is frustrated.
You receive a request for information or a deliverable with a ridiculously unrealistic timeline. Then… your mind races to “Geez, does she think I don’t have anything else to do?”, or “That is so rude! I’m going to take this to my boss and let him know that I don’t appreciate Joe’s tone!”
Without a conversation or context… you have no idea what the sender’s true intent was, the background, or why you were involved.
What do most of us do when we receive an email that upset us?
Well… We respond by banging out an email of our own, hit send, and tell ourselves that this “conversation” is over!
What should we do instead?
Very likely, a lot of angst could be avoided by initiating a conversation.
Yep, it’s often that simple.
Walk to the person’s desk, pick up the phone, or schedule a meeting. Once you have all of the information that you need to assess the request or solve the problem, you can safely use email to close the conversation the right way.
Now, let’s talk about those times when YOU are the sender of an email that doesn’t land as intended. Have you ever experienced that sinking feeling when you realize someone is upset over an email you’ve sent? This is especially frustrating when the emotions the receiver feels are not at all what you intended.
Here’s the good news: Email self-sabotage is totally avoidable!
First, let’s explore when conditions set the stage for unintended email consequences. Factors that increase the likelihood of making an email faux pas include:
High Levels of Frustration
The degree to which you are “Task Oriented”
Desire to be Efficient
Strong Focus on “Getting Stuff Done”
Long “To Do” lists
Tight Deadlines
High levels of stress at home or work
Did you find yourself nodding along as you read any of the bullets above? If so, consider taking one or more of the following:
Wait at least an hour before you hit send, longer if you can. It’s a good idea to wait 24 hours if you’re angry, frustrated, or under a higher than normal level of stress. Before sending the email into cyberspace (and creating a permanent record of your thoughts), re-read the email. Ask yourself these questions:
Is my tone kind and helpful?
Have I nurtured this relationship, or is there something in my communication that is potentially damaging to my connection with this person?
How would I feel if I received this email from a colleague?
If the answer to any of these questions is negative, take some time to rewrite the note.
Replace the email with a conversation. Email is waaaayyy over used!! If a quick discussion or phone call will solve the problem, start a conversation.
Be aware of your triggers. Identify when you tend slip into a communication style that damages relationships. This may be when you are busy, frustrated, or feel that you’ve been treated disrespectfully. Be especially diligent during these moments of the tone and style of your message. That doesn’t mean you should allow someone to treat you poorly. If that is happening, then it is time to put the keyboard away and initiate a crucial conversation.
Never use email as a shield. If the person was standing in front of you, would you be comfortable reading the email face-to-face. If the answer is no, delete the draft and start over.
Slow down, and ask yourself “What do I really want?” Go beyond the obvious answers (information, documentation, or confirmation). Do you want to build trust with this person? Be seen as a valuable contributor? Write your email in a way that accomplishes everything you want to achieve AND increases connection.
Apply the Golden Rule. Put yourself in the shoes of the receiver. How would you feel if you received this email? Does it include collaborative and supportive language? Efficiency and Kindness can (and should) exist together.
Get a Second Opinion. Ask a trusted colleague to review important emails and provide feedback. This is especially helpful for communications that contain a great deal of information or are of a sensitive (and potentially emotional) nature.