Why is it so hard to be kind?
You may be thinking “Wait a minute! I am kind!”… and I’ll bet if I asked you to share examples of how you were kind today, your list would look something like this:
In the last two weeks, I…
Volunteered to help on the school fundraise
Went shopping for a friend who just got out of the hospital
Got up early to make sure the kids had everything they needed for school
Helped a co-worker with a project that she was struggling with
Bought coffee for the person in line behind me at the café
And… you’d be right. All of those actions show kindness to others.
But… what about you? When was the last time you were kind to yourself?
I mean REALLY kind.
We are sooooo darn hard on ourselves. We expect perfection, and nothing less will do.
We berate ourselves and allow our Inner Critics to take up the airwaves in our minds.
Worst of all… we begin to believe our Inner Critics. And then… we repeat OUT LOUD what that negative internal voice is saying… about US!
How many times have you heard yourself say something that sounds a lot like one of these comments to a friend or co-worker?
I’m so stupid!
What is wrong with me??
I can’t do anything right!
This is probably a bad idea… but…
It’s highly likely that it happens a lot more often than you realize.
That’s the danger of leaving your Inner Critic unchecked. That bullying voice becomes more powerful and the messages start to feel like the truth.
Before you know it… your Inner Critic is Designing Your Future!
UGH!!! If only there was a way to take control of those unhelpful messages that kick us when we’re down!!
Well… there is!
Here’s a simple 3-step process you can start using today!
STEP 1 – GET TO KNOW YOUR INNER CRITIC
In this step, think about your Inner Critic as if she were a separate person. I know… it sounds a bit Woo Woo… but hang with me on this one! Sit down and journal about the “person” your Inner Critic is. Here are a few questions to explore in this exercise:
Who is she?
What are her family dynamics?
What is her education level?
Is she successful?
Write down at least 5 adjectives that describe her. (Angry, Anxious, Sophisticated, Condescending, Afraid, Cautious, Insecure, etc.)
What is her name? (jot down names that feel right to you and pick one that you’ll easily remember)
A bit more about naming your Inner Critic…
Do not your Inner Critic the name of a person who is a critic of you in your real life! You’ll end up with that person’s voice in your head, and that’s not helpful!
If a name doesn’t come up during your journaling, give your Inner Critic a name that you don’t like. Get creative and have some fun with this step!
STEP 2 – SHINE A LIGHT ON YOUR INNER CRITIC
We all remember the relief when our parents flipped on the light switch after we had a bad dream!! This step is just like that experience. Recognizing when you hear your Inner Critic will take away her power.
THIS is where giving your Inner Critic a name comes in handy. A few options for this step include thinking (or saying… if you are sure you are alone!)…
I’m not nervous, Joy (yep… that’s the name of my Inner Critic) is nervous.
Ohhh… Hi, Joy! I’ve been expecting you, because I’m about to have an amazing job interview!
That’s not the truth, that is the voice of my Inner Critic!
STEP 3 – REFRAME YOUR STORY
You are the master of your story!! When your Inner Critic shows up and starts telling what you “can’t” or “shouldn’t” do… talk back! YOU own your future, so rewrite your story! Create a different version that leads you to living your dream life!!
How?
Take the exact scenario that your Inner Critic is using against you and rewrite it!
For me, Joy shows up every time I’m about to deliver a keynote. She has two messages for me, and they never change. Joy tells me that:
I’m going to be nervous
I’ll forget what to say
Joy shows up and sends me this message every single time I step on the stage!
And… I’m always ready with MY story. “I’m not nervous, I’m excited! And I won’t forget my presentation because I’ve practiced.”
The most amazing things happen when you learn how to quiet your Inner Critics!
You will feel a sense of freedom.
You’ll find yourself doing more brave things.
Your creativity will show up in new and exciting ways.
You will Dream Bigger.
You will experience more joy in your life.